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Having a baby during a pandemic

 There are many posts I can make in relation to having my daughter back in April, but I figured this one should be first. There are so many things that people look forward to when they are pregnant. Baby showers, gender reveals, family seeing the baby after he/she is born, and those visitors after you get home. For many those things were taken away. 

I was a few weeks to the end of my pregnancy when everything started. For those last few weeks instead of going out to get last minute things I was contained to my home to be on the safe side, sending out family members to pick up things for after my daughter was born or even ordering online. No family could go with me to my drs. appointments anymore. For every single appointment I had no been alone, if my husband couldn't attend then my mom would. I was never alone. But those last few weeks...I was. Only I could go. Those last few weeks were nerve-racking enough. I was going to be a new mom, going through things that were so new. Preparing for when she would be born, listening to the dr tell me all the things to watch for, the plans etc. by myself. Then the hospital itself cut down on things. Family would no longer be able to be there when I delivered. No-one could be in the waiting room and only one person could be in the room with me. One of the biggest things I, we, was looking forward to...having family come in after she was born to meet the new addition...would no longer happen. I heard horror stories (of course from people in facebook groups I was in and some on the news) about hospitals not even allowing their partners to be in the room. For them to be utterly alone. I can not express how much anxiety I had...worrying, wondering, scared thinking that it could happen at the hospital I was going to deliver at. Thankfully, it did not. I did deliver without my mouther though. And while to many that may not seem like a big deal, it was to me. My mama has been there with me through all of my endo problems not to mention my anxiety and depression. It was a big big deal to me. In the end it was still a great experience with it just being my husband and I but at the time it definitely made my anxiety worse. 

We got there pretty early that morning to begin induction. We both had to wear masks. Let's me be 100% honest when I say laboring with a mask is absolutely horrible! Laboring with a mask with asthma and anxiety is worse. Thankfully, I had a wonderful nurse (who I happened to have graduated high school with) was very understanding of this. After 11 hours of labor and 2 hours pushing on April 8th I delivered a beautiful 7 pound 4 oz baby girl. Our families got to meet our baby girl through pictures and facetime. It was no where near what we had pictured when we first found out we were pregnant but we had still welcomed our beautiful girl and while our family couldn't physically be there, they were still with us. 

My daughter is now 4 months old and the only places she has been is home, my parents house, my husbands parents house, and the dr. This pandemic has put on hold everything we were looking forward to. Shopping with my baby girl to find cute baby clothes and toys for her. Instead most of what she gets its from online, and while I am perfectly fine with using amazon I mourn the things that I am not getting the chance to do. No friends houses, no outings. Worrying on how to keep my girl safe from everything going on in the world, not just the pandemic. It's a constant loop. 

But nothing, not the worry, can steal the joy I feel from having my baby girl. From holding my blessing from God!


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