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Journey into mommyhood - 6 months old!



    Let's be honest, all my life all I ever wanted was to be a mom. I was that child who didn't dream of growing up to teach or be a doctor but just simply be a mom. When I was told getting pregnant for me would be difficult because of my endometriosis I was devastated. And you could just imagine the joy I felt when I learned I was pregnant but also the fear that came along with the what ifs. Being a mother has been beyond what I ever imagined it to be like. In these first 6 months (Yes I can't believe it's been 6 months already) I have learned so much, including that being a mother is everything I had wanted and more. 
Everyone was quick to warn me of the bad things: "You'll never sleep again" "You will never feel like yourself again" or even "Just wait for the spit up and poop and pee." But what they didn't tell me was the amazing heart-filling moments. Wait for that feeling of when I hold her for the first time. Wait for the moments where I'm holding her and she just stares up at me eyes full of wonder and love. For the moments where you are beyond exhausted and frustrated and want to cry but she looks up at you and smiles and all of those feelings melt away. Being a mom (even in just these 6 months), while it is difficult, has been the most rewarding and most amazing thing I could ever do in my life. 
I have heard that there is a different kind of love, a more unconditional and filling love, that you feel when your child is born. That is something I couldn't wait for and I dreamed of being able to experience but it also something that I could never fully understand until the moment I held my daughter in my arms for the first time. The moment I looked at her tiny face. 
I'm gonna be honest up until she was born I was so scared. The weeks leading up to her delivery I scared but the day that I went into the hospital to be induced I was beyond afraid. My husband and I were going to be in charge of this little tiny human who is going to depend on us. Boy was I afraid. But the moment they laid her in my arms all of my worries melted away. Nothing else mattered. This little tiny human became my whole world. 
One of the biggest things we are going through right now is that my daughter has hit the stage where all she wants is me. She will stay with someone else for a little bit as long as I am in the room, but even then its not long. It is beyond gratifying and fills my heart with joy but at the same time it is overwhelming. Especially on the days where I am beyond exhausted. It's a crazy thing being joyful and overwhelmed about something all at the same time. I have to remind myself that feeling overwhelmed does not mean I'm not doing a good job. Being a mom is hard. I think all mom can agree. Would I change it for anything? Absolutely not! She is my life, heart and soul! It is so hard but oh so worth it! 
I am ridiculously blessed to have my daughter! Being her mom is by far the best thing I can and will ever do in my life! One of the best things is when she looks up at me and smiles because she knows I am her person. I will always be there for her no matter what life brings. While I brought her into this world she is has given me life. 




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