My Cinderella Story: Sharing the Glass Slipper

Merry Christmas everyone!! I want to take the time to tell all of you Merry Christmas and I truly hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day! Thank you all for supporting me and this blog. If it wasn't for y'all this blog wouldn't happen. Come the New Year I plan on posting more on here and on my video blog channel. I have posted another (very short) video (with a few bloopers) just saying merry christmas on my video channel! I will talk with you all very soon!! Merry Christmas everyone! Video link: https://youtu.be/jILO_6hps6Q

I'm sorry it's been a while since I had posted anything. I've been dealing with finals in college and some personal things. Which leads me to write this. I get judged all the time. I do my very best to always look my best and be happy no matter how I feel, and so people don't even see what I have been through, they just see the parts in their face. This goes for people that are in my life now that do know my story. They don't know what I've been through our what my parents have been through and yet they will sit there and condemn me. But I know that people are going to judge anyways, so I will remind myself that I have fought like heck to get to where I am and I will continue to be resilient. Don't judge my story off the chapter you walked in on.  Just because you know me doesn't mean you KNOW me. I've been through a lot more than most people think. I have the scars, most mentally, but I have the scars. Just cause people can't see them doesn...

As a person living with anxiety and depression you get use to having things occur on a daily bases. Most of the time you go through the day and have become so accustom to feeling a certain way that you don't even NOTICE it; it becomes the norm. When you discuss how it's like living with anxiety and/or depression you discuss the bad days, not the everyday life that it affected by it because you don't realize that you are affected by it by most days. You start to notice this when you have the rare, amazing day where you feel good. You feel like you had ten cups of coffee (or energy drink for those that don't do coffee) because you are up and aware, you are not feeling down and tiered or nervous about everything. You are aware of everything going on in a different way; in a way that you aren't in your everyday life. What causes these day to occur? What do you do when they do? This is what I'm going to discuss in this post. What causes these days to randomly occur...

College is suppose to be the best time of a person's life. Unless you are like me. College tends to be a struggle; some days,of course, are better than others. Let's start first with the fact that college is super busy, people are everywhere and college is stressful. Generally, people find their group of friends and they go out to eat, study, or just in general hang out. I don't have that. I have friends yes, but I don't hang out. It's never been for me. I find it overwhelming. I find myself trying to conform to those around me, doing what they like and what they generally do; that way they stay my friend right. I find it extremely overwhelming and then I end up sinking into myself. But even with all of that I'm not the friend that people ask to hang around, I'm not one to be asked to go out to eat. I don't know the reason why. Perhaps its just that my anxiety is to much to be around. On campus one thing you tend to have to get use to is people bumping i...

Being a woman with a past like mine, finding the "right guy" is tough. Every girl wants that fairy-tale love and in reality with people like us, that just doesn't happen. Not quite the way we expect anyways. But I finally found it. It's not a fairy-tale, for either of us. To be the right guy for for people like me, you must be strong enough to love me no matter what. I have found that guy. The guy that will sit and hold me when I have a random panic attack because I heard a loud noise. The guy that will randomly call me to help through a bad dream or just a bad day. The guy that works night but will still come over early the following morning if I had a bad dream/night just so he can sit with me and help me feel better. The guy that will sit while I fuss about unimportant things because I'm having a rough time dealing with everything. The guy that knows that I don't trust easily but he still took a chance on me and works everyday to help me trust and love him....

Some days are just genuinely bad with no rhyme or reason; others are bad because I have become overwhelmed and my PTSD decides to kick and make it a little worse. Both are as equally bad and both can be a pain to try and deal with and calm myself down. This past week was good, I had a conference that aligned with my College major, it was enjoyable. However, toward the end of the conference week, When I was starting to get exhausted from the early to late days and the push I was giving myself mentally to not let the exhaustion get to me, I noticed I was starting to get more nervous. We did this one "simulation" to help us see what it was like in some peoples shoes with higher mental disorders, keep in mind this conference was to train us to interpret in the mental health field, and I figured it would be no big deal I can join in and listen to the tape...well....that was the wrong choice. I put the headphones on, started playing the tape, listened for a few minutes and then fel...

With all of the battles I face because of what has happened to me it is obvious that I would cling to different things to help get me through the day, Security blanket we could call them. These different things are what I have found comfort in throughout the years and continue to find comfort in them today. There are three main ones that I will discuss in this blog post.       Cinderella is my first security blanket; makes sense since this is called "My Cinderella Story." I find connection through the fairy-tale because she went through her own little hell and came out resilient, and not to mention as a princess. Cinderella's step-family, the 'villains' of the story did everything they could to tear her down. They used her and abused her, but with her fairy godmother she was able to become resilient and get through everything. I had stated before that I wouldn't take back what happened no matter how bad my days get because it lead me to become who I am to...