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Forgiveness

One thing that people don't understand is the fact that I forgave my step father. Yes, you read that correctly. I forgave him. But just because I forgave him it doesn't mean I forgot; I suffer from PTSD, I have nightmares, I have bad days but I forgave him. You ask why? I had to do it for me. I needed to forgive him because by forgiving him I released my anger, my hatred, and my bitterness. This does not mean I have accepted his presence into my life or ANYWHERE near me; I definitely have not, but I did forgive him. To do this I knew it would take Prayer and God like love and mercy. So where do I go? My Bible;Ephesians 4:31-32 is my go to forgiveness verses. Though there are plenty of other spots in the Bible that speak on this these specific verses have always been my first to read when I need reminding.

 Ephesians 4:31-32 (KJV) 
    Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and glamour  and evil speaking, be put   
 away from you, with all malice: 
    And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 


But there is one other thing that helped me finalize my choice to forgive my step father. It was the book "The Shack" By William Paul Young. There was one specific quote he wrote that touched my heart and helped me make that choice.

     “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......” 
― William Paul Young, The Shack

This helped me make that final decision to forgive my step father. It was hard and sometimes I have to remind myself especially on my bad days. But I am no longer angry that it happened. I can move forward with my life and my faith and get on the path of resilience. 

I regret nothing in my life even if my past was full of hurt, I still look back and smile because IT made me who I am today and I can surely say I am proud of who I am and what I will do in the future.


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